My First Love

Janet my first love

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You were my first love. I can still remember the first time I saw your face. I might not have known you at first but I knew you were the one.

You smiled at me so beautifully. I later remembered your voice singing to me each night while you tucked me in bed and as the years went by, I copied your every action.

I mimicked you. Tried to mold myself to be like you. I was so in love, I idolized you. Basking in your love.

You showed your love for me in so many ways. Never once telling me you loved me, but showing it through your actions. I saw love on your face when you looked at me.

Your protection was total. Never once leaving me alone. You went everywhere with me. Protecting, supporting, trusting and guiding me.

You were my hero. The Zena Warrior Princess to my Gabrielle. Always so strong and comforting.

Our relationship progressed well. You were my friend, love and teacher. Instructing me on the right paths to take as I grow.

I loved your protection. I craved your love. You made me feel as if my world was complete with you in it.

I needed no one but you. You were the cream in my coffee. The icing on my cake.

I noticed a change in our relationship during our 16th year. Your actions did not change but mine did. I was blossoming. Learning to think for myself and decide about my likes and dislikes.

You did not like that so much. We fought each other for the next few years but I still loved you. You loved me as well. Although you still didn’t say the words.

I now know that the changes were inevitable. They came with growth. You wanted to keep me as your little love but no; we both knew I had to grow.

Our break-up started gradually. You loved me but I no longer had your trust, support or comforting arms. I missed all of that. I longed to be your little love again but it was not to be.

Why did you have to talk badly about me? Why did our relationship change? I fought to hold on to you. I was not ready to let you go. Never wanted to. I STILL LOVED YOU!

I still craved our earlier relationship. The one where you loved me unconditionally. Our spilt was complete once you learned about my true nature.

Instead of supporting me and giving me your unconditional love. You took it away from me. The loss was extreme. It gutted me. I never thought I would ever lose your love.

Am I such a monster? Such an abomination? I am still the same person you loved at birth Mom. I STILL LOVE YOU!

Why did you change?    Why don’t you love me anymore?

By Janet Chambers

Janet ChambersFrom my upcoming book of poetry – As the lady says “speak your truth” – Janetchambersauthorspage / –



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