“Cupid draw out your bow-oh-h and let your arrow flow-oh-h straight to my lover’s heart for me …” It’s that time of year again. We see red, think roses, and feel romance. And whether we do or we don’t, well blame it on the little guy, why don’t we, it’s all because of Cupid.
Hmmm, let’s consider. Well, this is a tired truth, no matter what tongue we tell it in, Communication is the bedrock of healthy romantic relationships. And what really is communication but the on-going exchange and interpretation of information between the partners. Yet, so often we get stuck here, because we fail to appreciate that partners are always communication. The funniest comment is for a couple to say, they do not communicate anymore. What is usually meant is limited or no verbal exchange. Silence is communication, absence is communication, sex or lack thereof is communication, infidelity is communication. So, for those who care to see red, think roses, and feel romance, consider what is really being communicated in your relationship and direct that ‘love arrow’ accordingly.
Now, some might be thinking but we do communicate quite well and yet, nothing. On the heels of communication, there is that other factor, Understanding. To keep it concise, in relationships, there is understanding and then there is understanding. There is understanding things as in appreciating everything communicated but quickly considering the issue strictly from the perspective, of how you, the other party will be impacted. And then there is the understanding where you also appreciate everything that is communicated and then consider how a working together for the greater good might be realized.
Cupid is just one little guy who supposedly has a noble agenda, but what about other people? How we manage or fail to manage the amount of influence given to other people to impact our decisions in our relationships makes a huge difference in its lifespan and health.
Talk romance, talk sex, talk marriage and most follow readily, but talk intimacy and many become muted. Many a relationship goes shipwreck after lots of romance is shown just as in the movies, after lots of sex has been had just as in the movies, and the couple gets married just as in the movies. Why? Well, because even with all those other things, there was little or no true intimacy to begin with. Intimacy has been well explained as into-me-see. It is a willingness to really allow the person to know you for who you really are. No Cupid can force any couple to be intimate!
Now, could you imagine a couple facing opposite directions and each trying to pull the other along or exerting their influence to get to go in their direction? Coupling requires mutual direction.
So guys and gals, it’s that time again when relationships are celebrated especially those where Communication, Understanding, People-management, Intimacy and Direction has been working to keep the love going. Happy Valentine’s to one and all!
By Kerriann Toby